Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
