This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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