I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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