taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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