OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
