I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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