im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
