Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
