I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
