Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
