idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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