I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
