No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
