i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
