I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
