If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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