DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
