i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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