dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
