Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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