i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
