Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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