So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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