I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
