Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
