I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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