Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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