It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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