it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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