i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
