It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
