Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
