we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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