I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
