just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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