white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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