she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
