Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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