there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
