I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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