Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
