Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize