Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i now understand why vodka
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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