Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Your face is a jimmy john

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  (650): Your face is a jimmy john http://tfl.nu/p2et
  Replies (7) Good night (772) Bad night (893)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now

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  (256): every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now http://tfl.nu/b8d3
  Replies (21) Good night (810) Bad night (2548)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4790) Bad night (642)
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  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

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  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2344) Bad night (9016)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

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  (432): then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going. http://tfl.nu/r8d5
  Replies (33) Good night (5429) Bad night (1241)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

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  (678): For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you. http://tfl.nu/2vfg
  Replies (1) Good night (3418) Bad night (1029)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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  (806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175
  Replies (15) Good night (2525) Bad night (1124)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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  (573): ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME. http://tfl.nu/9twm
  Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (820)
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  (631): View more from New York

  if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

  (516): View more from New York

  .org?

  (631): View more from New York

  yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

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  (631): if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org (516): .org? (631): yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night. http://tfl.nu/4hpr
  Replies (8) Good night (2861) Bad night (623)
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  (+02): View more from

  I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods

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  (+02): I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods http://tfl.nu/ntv5
  Replies (1) Good night (1014) Bad night (298)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
  Replies (5) Good night (1328) Bad night (465)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox

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  (734): nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox http://tfl.nu/ge10
  Replies (4) Good night (1184) Bad night (489)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?

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  (231): Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again? http://tfl.nu/uf7o
  Replies (5) Good night (468) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.

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  (310): The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses. http://tfl.nu/2i38
  Replies (8) Good night (411) Bad night (900)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (329)

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