No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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