I can text with my tongue
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related