i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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