3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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