Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please, let me fuck your mom
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
