We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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