Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
