Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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