Where is the hickey?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
