Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
