WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
