how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
