I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
