do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
