Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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