jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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