doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
