I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
