Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
