I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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