We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
