I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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