I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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