If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
