i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
