...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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