i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
