Have you finally orgasmed yet?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
