I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
