how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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