And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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