Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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