bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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