so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
