I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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