Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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