I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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