That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
