If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Houston, we have a squirter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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