You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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