Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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