Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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