so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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