I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A+ Viking dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
